06
196 Years

2026-04-06 · 357 words

It’s been a while, I know. I sit here writing today because I feel trapped; a prisonless prisoner who laid bricks until one day he woke up in a cell of his own creation.

Am I overconstrained, overburdened, overpromised? In the event that I carry all the parcels I bear through to the date of their respective deliveries, I’m certain I will emerge on the other side a better person. The constraints seek resolution; the burdens are amenable to carrying; the promises sway, flexible but unyielding.

On the other hand: I am afraid who I will have become if I fumble and lose what I have been entrusted. Similarly, if I hold it all too tight, and the weight pins my body to the cool, damp earth, it is certain that against the ground I will remain: the burdens never shed, the destination never reached. Sometimes I ask, “This destination, is it mine?” Am I living out the dream of another?

People ask things of me and I’m terrified to respond. Terrified that I will sign yet another social contract. I am not a busy person, just overwhelmed. I do not feel the satisfaction some seek when telling others “no”. I march through the work I have to do, and it is done, but I have done nothing. What am I doing?

I’m being dramatic. I should eat something. If there’s any week after which to lighten one’s burdens, this one isn’t bad!

Tomorrow is a new day! I will stay my course and fight a good fight; it does not matter that I win, just that I remain: both true to myself, and the trust that others have placed in me. I need to put on my oxygen mask, unswamp my canoe, start the engine, break the curse, turn the tables, put on my socks and shoes, pull up my big-boy pants, because tomorrow is a new day, and the sun won’t wait to rise for those who waste asleep.

In any case, the sunrise is too beautiful to miss.